PANDI'S PRAYER

Yep, it's been awhile. That's a good sign. Life has been good. Grief wounds are healing. Scars less visible. Until this week, I can't remember the last time I truly cried... Well, I take that back. There was that one person who held Andrea close. It was the first time I saw him...yes, that was hard. But, other than that, I'm seeing the Carrie I used to know show up a little more each day, each month. And my summer just began! We celebrated the 1rst birthday of grand

It was Easter weekend. Contemplating Jesus coming out of the tomb, out of the darkness, the cold, a separation unimaginable… Thinking of Mary watching her son… Then seeing him walk out. All of these cause a pause and I reflect on the year. New life. Rebirth. A hope and a future I know is there, even when I don’t feel it. When I don’t see it. I missed my kids this weekend; My boys and their amazing wives. The most adorable grandkids on the planet. And Andrea. But, I saw some

How do I navigate a day such as this? I smiled with the first bite… Yes, she was correct…the vanilla, whatever the ice cream it is…is soooo good in a drink… I imagine her & I meeting at Chick Fil A, wondering what she’d be wearing at 26…what would her style be like right now? Would she be wearing the ultra-wide jeans? Or leggings and oversized shirt. Or like the young lady across the room in the layered dress, The one who just caught my eye and quietly smiled, The one who not

“She's imperfect, but she tries She is good, but she lies She is hard on herself She is broken and won't ask for help She is messy, but she's kind She is lonely most of the time She is all of this mixed up and baked in a beautiful pie She is gone, but she used to be mine” This was one of the songs Andrea sang at her senior recital, before we even went to see the performance of “The Waitress” at the Paramount. As I look back, I hear the emotion in this song for her. Usu

Here we are, fall again. I used to love fall. It was my favorite season. I loved the change of scenery; the reds, yellows, golden magic around us. Then we lost her in November. What used to be my favorite, became my worst. For the first time I understood seasonal affective disorder. For the first time I needed to find tools to combat the darkness. In just a few short weeks, it will be four years since Andrea ran ahead to heaven. The math is hard here; it will be the 4

I have always loved lists...well, let me clarify. I love checking things off of lists. I started lists when the kids were young, for...

Adventure Wednesday trip in Florida where I found Serenity. This is the 4th girls trip since losing Andrea. Somehow, trips like this...

I haven't written for awhile, and this is why: I feel different, more alive than I've felt in...44 months. It's been 44 months since we...

It’s been almost one week since Rob and I returned from a once-in-a-lifetime trip to Nicaragua, with 33 others, to a ministry located...

It’s been awhile since I’ve shared. November, December and January are hard months for me. This year, I’m trying to discover healthy...

Ok, this is a raw one.... I just walked out of a staff meeting because I wasn't able to hold it together. I'm trying to find the...

September is Suicide Awareness Month Plastered throughout Facebook are #stopthestigma, bring awareness, and so many other really good...

Sometimes love is soft, warm, quiet and sweet; like a daisy. Sometimes it roars like a momma bear; like a mama grizzly. And sometimes, it...

Of course, all of us who have had any faith background know the correct Sunday school answer. Obviously, God is sovereign. But when you...

I wonder if they know, I'm here to teach, But I learn more from them. I wonder if they know, my goal is to support, But always, they hold...

Two losses in the last couple of weeks. Two, close to me dealing with emotions I wish none ever experienced. Two lives lost to a terminal...

Today’s blog is going a different direction. This week has not been without it’s grief…I’m beginning to understand that is an always and...

This morning, two things came to mind. Melanie DeSimone shared in her blog that she was a grief guide; her heart’s desire was to help...

The sky is blue, the sun is out, and it’s 64 degrees! I didn’t realize how much I’ve missed the sun…growing up in Leavenworth, and 300+...

I asked this question on my Facebook page the other day. And the answers came back overwhelmingly, "No." Some wise souls asked: "What is...