Life in the midst of Loss

I haven't written for awhile, and this is why:

I feel different, more alive than I've felt in...44 months.

It's been 44 months since we lost Andrea and grief has ruled the last 40 months or so.

In Nicaragua in February, I began to feel the change in my heart, in my life actually.

I began to remember that, while it feels like the loss of Andrea is my entire life,

It actually is not.

That's hard to admit; hard to say.

The type of loss that is experienced with child-loss is so overwhelming, it takes over.

And for a time, that is the only way through it.

But, I am reminded that, while the loss of Andrea is present in everything I do, so are the gains.

So are the joys.

So are the boys that I am privileged to, physically, walk this life with still.

So, the first new blog post acknowledging life in the midst of loss, is about my first-born.

The one who made me a mom.

David Alan is living the life he has been waiting for, desiring and working toward since he was about...let's say 4!

And, he is doing it soooo well!

He and Cassie brought Shepherd David into the world on Saturday, June 7, 2025 to join Sailor May Nicole into their precious little family.

Grief has caused so much remembrance and talk of Andrea, in an effort to keep her alive in our hearts, that often, focusing on the joy that is here is missed.

So, this one is for David...

I am so, so proud of him! Oh my goodness!!! The work he has put into his own self to be able to support Cass....and love her so well.

He works hard, like his dad.

And he loves well....

I was able to watch him with Cassie and Shepherd at the hospital on Sunday, and saw his observation, his calmness and the ability to assess the situation and give the help that Cass needed...

I think maybe he got that from me ; )

In his junior high years, where life is so, so hard, I remember us taking personality tests and David saying, "This sucks!!! I have both of your negative traits!"

Well, now I've got to say, he's taken both of our strongest traits and made them better!

What a joy it is to be so included in his world.

My oldest son, I love you more than words can say!

You're doing well and I'm so proud to be called your Mom.

Welcome to the world Shepherd David....you scored in the parent department.