What do I do with this Day?

How do I navigate a day such as this?

I smiled with the first bite…

Yes, she was correct…the vanilla, whatever the ice cream it is…is soooo good in a drink…

I imagine her & I meeting at Chick Fil A, wondering what she’d be wearing at 26…what would her style be like right now? Would she be wearing the ultra-wide jeans? Or leggings and oversized shirt.

Or like the young lady across the room in the layered dress,

The one who just caught my eye and quietly smiled,

The one who noticed like Andrea would have.

So, what do I do with this day of emotions colliding?

Melding the celebration of who she was,

With the loss of the one I didn’t get to to know.

At 26, who would she have been?

What would our relationship have been like?

I don’t know…

I’ll never know…

So, what do I do with this day?

It hit me last week that this day was coming….every year…

January 14.

A birthday worth celebrating.

The loss of a future, dreams, that I mourn...

The fifth time I’ve navigated this day without her to call..

What do I do with this day?

And then, on Sunday,

I read Chapter 17 of

Theo of Golden.

It broke me…

“Weariness? Hope? Forgiveness? Surrender?”

Funny how God works.

No coincidences.

Emotions spilled over the lids of my eyes…

Emotions that had been fairly even, began to surface.

The realization they needed to be acknowledged…given space…held…

So, what do I do with this day?

I accidentally took off the next day, Tuesday thinking it was the 14th…

Now I realize the 14th is Wednesday. That’s how scattered my head and heart are.

The wisdom of youth, if you can stop to hear.

“That’s ok Mrs. Sorensen.

You don’t want to have your sad day on her birthday- that’s the day you want to celebrate!!!

Have your sad day tomorrow! Sit in it Mrs. Sorensen, and then on Wednesday, the day to celebrate, come celebrate with us!!!”

Wise ones.

So, that’s what I’m doing.

Sitting alone with a few tears escaping, in Chick-fil-A, on the sad day.

Smiling a little with the ice cream in my pop,

And the sandwich I never chose for myself..because I always have the chicken strips.

But, on this day?

The ice cream in my pop,

And bun on my sandwich…

And I smile because she was right-

So much better!

I hope you are dancing today, and, just for a moment, think of us and know how missed you are.