Grief & Gratitude can co-exist

Ok, this is a raw one....

I just walked out of a staff meeting because I wasn't able to hold it together.

I'm trying to find the distraction, but wondering if I'm going to be able to make it through today.

Today is not "the date", but it is "the day."

It is the Thursday that I set up for the Majestic Holiday Extravaganza.

It is the day I ignored the multiple unknown callers on my cell phone while I was setting up.

It is the day I answered when the name showed up on my phone who was in closest contact with Andrea at that time.

And when an unknown male's voice was on the other line...

I knew...

I didn't have to wait for him to tell me

I knew....

It is the evening I drove home by myself from the Majestic, to an empty house.

It is the night I kept this earth shaking news to myself...

I was not ready to process the reality by announcing it.

Rob was hunting and I couldn't reach him.

I laid in bed alone that night....in a state of nothingless...

Today is that day.

I have been practicing gratitude, but to be honest, today is a day that it's hard to find.

I know that Gratitude is the quickest path to joy, but to be honest, I kinda want to wallow in that grief for a bit.

So, I walked out of that staff meeting and am taking a short bit to sit in my grief...

and process for a few short minutes.

And then I am going to let those kids come and turn the switch.

I am going to let their smiles melt my heart.

I am going to let their antics soothe my pain.

I am grateful for them.

I am grateful that Rob is home tonight.

I am grateful that this grief is no longer my own.

And finally,

I am grateful that even so,

This is not the end of the story.

This is not my forever.

Someday, I will run into her hug. She is waiting for me and I will see her joy, and hear her laugh that somehow, shows the contradiction of who she was...

The beautiful kind one with a voice of an angel, and a burp and fart out performing either of the boys...

The obnoxiously loud laugh that you couldn't help but laugh with....

For this, I am grateful today.

Ok.

Yes, Grief and Gratitude can co-exist.