When they Choose to Run to Heaven....

Two losses in the last couple of weeks.

Two, close to me dealing with emotions I wish none ever experienced.

Two lives lost to a terminal disease: mental illness.

Two, lost to suicide.

So many of us left behind needing support to figure out how to step forward.

I did not know those who ran to heaven.

But I do know the ones left here on Earth....

I cannot give you advice on how to cure this illness,

but, I can share with you from experience what is helpful,

and what is not for us trying to live on.

I do know this.

Our world is broken.

In the same way we are feeding our body things that are killing us in increasing numbers,

Our minds are also being fed substances that are killing us.

Mental illness is just that.

An illness.

And for Andrea, that illness was terminal.

I could no more cure that illness for her, than I could cure cancer for my uncle.

Here is what is helpful, and some of what is not...

Reaching out that your thinking of us. That is helpful.

"How are you"... not so much....we are not ok. There is no way around that.

And answering that loaded question, frankly, takes too much effort.

Leaving groceries on the porch. A door-dash gift card. Venmo cash to do something fun.

Those are so helpful.

"What can I do?" ...Not so much...we don't know.

Just do it. That is more helpful.

A long hug with no words. That is helpful. "My heart hurts for you." That is helpful.

"I know what you are going through"..."I know it's hard now, but"...."They are in a better place"...Those actually do not help me.

I don't even know what my husband is going through because we both process very differently. After 30 months, we understand and empathize with what we are going through, but I can't possibly know what he is going through. I can only know what I am going through. He has taught me well. I don't have to understand. I just need to be present.

Sitting with me in my grief. Just sitting. That is helpful.

Trying to cheer me up...not so much.

I will find my smile again. And it will be shrouded in pain.

If you try and cover my pain, you are ignoring a part of me I'm desperately trying to hold on to.

As my daughter-in-law told me, it's ok to be both happy and sad.

It is.

I am.

Books....they helped me know I was not alone.

Within days, "A Grief Disguised" helped me wade through the grief. My friend knew he was a Whitworth professor. He knew Andrea...this book was exactly what I needed. And she sent it within days....

Streams in the Desert...a devotional that had lament...it didn't tell me to count it all joy.

Not yet.

Also sent to me by a friend...

Cards. Cards were helpful. Just knowing you were thinking of us.

Phone calls were hard.

Phone calls are still hard.

And you can pray…you can pray peace, strength, and hope into my heart. That, always, when you don’t know how to help, is ac really good option.

The best.

I don't have any advice on how to save a loved one struggling with mental illness.

I have nothing to give you...

But I do know this...my walk with Jesus has grown so much more intimate.

Though I am shattered, my faith is unshaken.

My brokenness is where His light can shine through the brightest.

I don't say my knowledge of Jesus, my faith has grown stronger with pride,

I actually admit that, unfortunately, my walk with the Lord has grown stronger.

That seems kinda weird...

But, if I were completely honest, what has brought me to that intimacy was at such a high price.

If I were completely honest, I wouldn't willingly pay that price.

But, our world is broken.

We are all hurting.

And if my swirling thoughts bring you some sort of peace, or comfort, or understanding for someone you love who is hurting

Then, yes, I will walk along beside you.