To the Village who helped us raise our children; the Village who holds us now...
I'm sorry.
I know your response, but I still need to say it.
I'm sorry.
I'm sorry I could not give you closure.
I'm sorry I could not give you the service Andrea deserved, with all of you there.
I'm sorry I had nothing left to give...
But, for probably the first time in my life, I had nothing left to give. And what I had, I desperately held for me, then Rob, then David and Michael, and then Cassie and Kaylee. And now Sailor.
As Cassie so eloquently put it,
"We are so full of our own grief, we cannot hold one drop, not one drop of anyone else's."
I know that you do not judge me for this. I know you do not hold it against me. But you have given so much....and I have nothing left to give you. And I hold it against me.
I'm sorry.
And I thank you.
I thank you for carrying us. Carrying some of our grief, our anger, our loss because it's too much for us to bear. Carrying us financially. Carrying us emotionally.
So, I thank you...
Thank you for loving us so well.
And giving us the freedom to focus on the Sorensen7; Rob, Carrie, David, Michael, Cassie, Kaylee and Sailor.
Never in my life have I turned so inward; to God, and my immediate family. Never have I not weighed the needs of others, often to a fault.
But, I have nothing to give.
Thank you for the gift of expecting nothing, and giving so much.
And now, I choose to let it go. I won't hold it against me. For today at least.