Easters past, Easters present.
Expectations met.
Expectations shattered.
Relating to the darkness between Good Friday, and the Resurrection....those 3 days, I'm sure, felt like an eternity to Mary, and the disciples and those who had different expectations of Jesus.
I also had different expectations of Jesus.
Can you feel the presence of death?
Can you feel the heaviness of despair?
Can you feel the sorrow, emptiness and confusion?
Can you feel the darkness?
Those were the questions asked Good Friday.
Yes. I relate.
I feel the presence of death. The huge absence. The void. The heaviness. The emptiness. The confusion.
I feel the darkness.
Judas, Barabbas and Peter...all fools for Jesus. Ready to start a rebellion. Hoping to "help" Jesus get things going. Peter, taking a stand, sword flying.
Then....expectations shattered.
Jesus did not rise up and fight.
He gave up.
He let go.
He died.
The confusion of those left behind. The emptiness. The despair. The darkness.
I get it. I so get it.
Jesus did NOT meet my expectations. He could have saved Andrea...but He did not.
I am left standing in a world I don't understand. A world that is broken. A world with shattered expectations. A God that I'm not sure I understand. A God I'm a bit disappointed in...
I stand at the foot of my God crying...Why....
I'm sure, very similarly to Mary.
Peter.
This is not how the story was suppose to go.
But, on the third day, the tomb was empty.
I know the end to that story.
I know that He conquered death.
I KNOW that he exceeded Mary's expectations. Peter's.
I have to live in the darkness of despair a bit longer than 3 days.
But, I still know the end of the story! I know the end to my story.
What Jesus did on the cross...somehow, miraculously, supernaturally...it WILL
Exceed my expectations.
I have no idea how.
But He will.
Because He has risen, I have hope.
And that brings me joy.
Often a joy of choice, but joy none-the-less.
God knew what Andrea’s choice would be, because of that I think they had a close and uniquer relationship then we can ever fathom. He walked and carried her in her brokenness. But he knew, and he was there at the gate of heaven when she walked through. It was brought to light in the Sunday service I attended that the Lord presented himself to three people after he rose. Mary, a broken woman lost and unsure of life. Thomas, a doubt filled man that had to have proof before he would believe again. Peter, a friend of the Lord who denied his love three times, the Lord told him… you will deny me Peter. Out of all the people…
Thank you. I read this to my husband as we drove home from Easter services at church. He pointed out that you ask the hard questions, and rightly so. We continue to pray that you can choose joy even in your mourning.