I have so many whys....

So, I've been told a couple of things recently...

First, there are no rules...

Second, from my brother, never change who I am.

So, I begin returning to who I am.

It's been...I don't know, precise days, dates, hours are details I've never cared about, but it's been over 2 weeks...it's been a second, it's been an eternity- simultaneously....

I have no answers...but I know a few things: I know Andrea knew she was loved, by all of us. She knew she was important. She was not in want of people reaching out to her. Her phone was full of all of us reaching out.

We could not have saved her with that last text, or phone call. She knew.

She was fighting. She was going to counseling. She was doing the work. The darkness was too much. I don't know why she let go that day, but she was submerged in a darkness that she had never experienced. Nor do I comprehend.

We knew she was fighting. We watched from afar, in utter fear and faith. And then I had to release her to the God who holds her, and me. 8 months ago I cried almost as many tears as I cry now as I realized I could not control- or fix- this one. I don't know why God allowed my sweet baby girl to be ripped from us...from all of us...

All who knew her knew she was strong, she was a fighter, she was determined...for some reason, this darkness was too great to bear. It hit hard, and it hit fast.

There were no signs that we all missed....She wasn't hiding it from us, but when it hit, it hit hard.

Satan won this battle, but not the war. He will rue the day he won the battle in her mind. NOT TODAY SATAN!!!! You may have won the battle, but we will WIN THE WAR!!!!

I don't know how, but God will use this...somehow...to bring Glory to His Name!!!

So, not today satan!

I have no answers. I don't know why. I don't understand.

But, somehow, what I know, is God is God....and he knows the end to the story.

That is Pandi's Prayer...that God be glorified...somehow...