I have felt joy again!

Again, I began the day with tears...but today, a trail of joyous tears stream my face. What a feeling...one I've missed for awhile. Joy. JOY!!! Joy laced with strands of sorrow...but pure, golden, overflowing JOY. Grief is so much easier to bare when you snuggle it next to joy.

Today, I became a Nana.

Sailor May Nicole chose TODAY, January 1, to enter our world. The world of hurt, of darkness, of pain, of sorrow...and yes, of Joy!

A world of rainbows, sunrises, horses dancing in the fields...and yes, new life.

Sailor May Nicole, my first grandbaby, was born just a short time ago.

To be honest, I struggled with letting go of 2021. In all it's ugliness, it was the last year Andrea will ever be present in. The last time I heard her laugh, her voice in real time. The last time I held her, inhaled her scent, physically felt her touch. I didn't want to let that go...But, even so, God shows his presence. Always.

In a rainbow, a sunrise, horses dancing in the field; a new life.

Andrea was the strong-willed one of my kids. Sweet, kind...and strong-willed.

At two years old, she decided to NOT say please.

She sat in her high chair for hours. In her crib, after her nap, she sang "Please, please, please" while David paced outside her bedroom. She sang the Please song until I opened the door. Then she looked at me, pursed her lips, and said...nothing.

At Cassie's baby shower, we all picked dates on when we thought Little Bean was going to arrive.

Andrea chose January 1.

I don't know what it's like in Heaven, or how it's going to work. Is Andrea actively watching and participating? Or is she so completely immersed in the worship of the King that we are just a shadow in the peripheral...I don't know.

I'd like to think she had something to do with the timing of this precious gift.

2022 may be ok. It might actually be good. Joy, shockingly, has returned.

A rainbow, a sunrise, horses dancing in the field....a precious grandbaby.

Thank you Jesus.