Two weeks ago, when I wrote, it was a hard day. It was a hard write, and a hard read I'm sure. And I wrote that Sunday morning.
I then attempted to go work at the Pub for a shift. Walked in, saw Lani, and sobbed...
Loud, noisy, heart wrenching sobs. The Pub wasn't open yet, so only the other two on shift witnessed...
But it was hard.
It was the first time in this entire year that I just could not do it.
I could not be social.
I could not smile, or laugh...
And she held me, and then sent me home to sit in my grief.
For a full 24 hours...I sat there.
I rode my horse and sobbed.
I scrolled FB and sobbed.
And I did not answer the phone.
I did not talk to anyone...other than the 10 minutes at the PUB.
I did talk to Ima...and God.
And He showed up.
No, I didn't feel this healing, wondering, soothing peace.
I felt angry, racking, emotionally draining sorrow.
And I sat there for more than three hours.
I did not distract myself, or change the subject.
I sat there.
And when I had no more left inside....I watched a hallmark movie. Really, I did.
And God showed up.
I continued on through the week alone, while Rob was hunting,
And God showed up.
Flowers showed up on my porch.
A book in my post office box.
Money in my paypal account to do something fun while Rob was gone.
You know what? That money was not needed, but it was the tip money I didn't get from the shift I could not work.
God knew.
I made it through the week.
For me, I think the trigger of Andrea's loss was hit more by Rob's hunting trip, than the date that is coming up on the calendar.
I hope so.
Two weeks ago feels like the hardest day I've had yet. I was no longer in shock. I was no longer numb. I was strong enough to feel...to sit...to mourn...and reality hit.
And God showed up.
He is fully aware of who I am, where I am, and what I need. And my Heavenly Father meets me right where I'm at.
Life feels better this week. Rob is home. There's fresh snow on the ground. I feel joy in the anticipation of Christmas (no, I'm not putting my Christmas tree up- yet....but I could if I wanted!!!!)
Just a head's up for you all though....I may ignore the date that's looming....I may just skip the life-shattering reality of that day...
I've done some hard work, now I'm moving forward.
You're guess is as good as mine as how we all will handle that date on the calendar....but I do know this:
He knows exactly where we are at, what we need and my God will meet us right there.
Always.